Friday, June 12, 2009

Kids & Cacophony

Today I decided to visit the library with my girlfriend and our kids. So there we were in the children's section with my three and one year old, and her four year old. All boys. Not a good idea at all. I'd just lectured my three year old on the importance of being silent at the local "bibliotheca" but I might as well have been talking to a chicken on the loose. Now I have to admit that I have not taught my son the concept of the "inside" voice. Honestly, that confuses me a little. What do you do when you're watching the Penguins score on TV against the Red Wings? That definitely call for a holler, right? And then, an "outside voice" is absolutely inappropriate during a eulogy. Instead, I've talked to him about loud and soft voices. He definitely understands the theory. Unfortunately, he normally talks in a really loud voice, so I guess it's a little challenging for him to whisper.

Okay, so I'm trying to find some books, and the three and four year old decide that they're going to play "horsey" with the bean bag horse. So, there they are asking each other, who would like to sit in the front or the back, and "galloping" around like crazed kids, while I'm chasing them both, shushing them the whole time, while my one year old decides to go off on a little adventure outside the children's section, and is crawling away at a million miles per second. I kept expecting to be asked to leave any minute, or one of the other parents reading to their children to give me that "look".

Ah, the power of the "look". It says it all. It screams one or all of the below mentioned thoughts:

1. "Oh my God, did you just arrive from the jungles of Africa?!!"

2. "I cannot imagine what goes on in your home, by the looks of that child darting around like a hysterical creature".

3. "Oh, thank heavens, your kids are not in the same play group as mine."

4. "I will pray for you tonight. God give you strength, you poor unfortunate woman!!"

5. "You should think about getting that child tested. Definitely some form of ADD or ADHD, or HAADHD (Hyper advanced attention deficit hyperactivity disorder)."

Well, we weren't asked to leave, and the only person who was affected was a really cute five/six year old, who was trying to read her book in the corner. I think she found the boys' antics quite amusing actually.

My friend and I finally separated our boys and there was peace in the room again......until they found the 'Bob the Builder' DVDs. And they decided to launch upon this exhausting debate as to who could keep both the DVDs and who would be left without one. And so began this ruckus and bickering that made my friend and I want to tear the remaining hair from our heads. And all along, my one year old didn't want to be held, but decided to take it upon himself to continue with his tour of the library and chat with strangers... and eat books.

My friend decides to wait outside the library with her son, while I get our books checked out. Does it help? Not really, because my one year old decides to test his lung capacity at that point, and is desperately trying to wriggle away from me, while my three year old decides that he is a frog and is hopping all around the woman in front of me in line. Anyway, we survive the check-out process with the wriggling and hopping children, and head out of the library, only to have the two older boys resume their argument about the
proprietorship of the DVDs. And that's when we decided in the parking lot, that the only reason we would bring them to the library together again was if we were seriously delusional, or they were drugged. I just hope we're not known as " that woman with those kids" ever!!! My kids are normal, I promise you. They're just a shall I say it.....loud.

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