Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Just one of those days....

I'm sitting at my computer, trying to decide what to do with my incomplete blogs piling up in the draft folder. I'm so exhausted from feeding the kids, cleaning the kitchen, doing the dishes, cooking dinner, etc, etc; the never-ending list of duties and chores one has to do on a regular basis. I wonder sometimes when it will all end. But then again, it might mean not having my husband and kids around. And that, I do not want.

I have to admit that it's a good kind of tiredness that I feel right now. The kids are tucked in bed. My husband is watching TV, waiting for me to join him, so he can annoy me with his hugs and kisses. Of course, I fuss about him wanting to cuddle too much, but secretly, that's what I really love about him. Even after 10 years of being married, he still loves me...perhaps even more. And as for me, I know that my love for him has grown so much stronger over the years. I haven't made life easy for him, but he has stood by my side and held me through all the rough times. He has allowed me to give him two beautiful children.

My precious ones. I can't believe they're growing up so quickly. I was telling my neighbour the other day, that I wanted to put my little baby, Shome, in a little box. I would open it and look at him everyday and he would never ever grow up. Well, actually, I said that I wanted to freeze him into an ice-cube but I realised that it was a really morbid thought!!! You get the idea, right? I just want to be able to hold both my boys and feel their little heartbeats and never have to let them go.My husband teases me about how the boys will be stomping around the house, raiding the fridge and draping themselves all over the furniture in several years. There's a lump in my throat just thinking of them as young men, eager to make something of themselves in this world. I only hope I can give them the confidence and courage to look the world in the eye and be true to themselves. To be able to find their true calling in life and to be able to reach out to people. Yes, I do want to them to be financially independent, but I also want them to be an inspiration to others. I want people to say, "Now, that's a good guy!!!".

Wishful thinking? I don't know. Ironic that's it's April Fool's Day, huh? You know, 10 years ago, I would have laughed at myself and my thoughts. But not today. My husband and my boys have given me hope. They've shown me that I can dream and dreams can become a reality. They've made me look at the glass half full and silver lining of the cloud and all that. They've made me believe in myself. And especially today..... I want to just lay down in bed and shut my eyes. But I have to acknowledge all that is positive and good about my life. I have to say, "Thank you, my darlings!!". Like I said, it's just one of those days.

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