Who would ever think I might jot down my thoughts for all the world to read and ponder over... Or I might be pushed aside into that growing heap of wannabe word smiths. No, I am not here for fame or fortune. Never really have been interested in being in the limelight; front stage, with the glittery feathers, and the mike in hand, while the others huddle behind around the only other voice-magnifying tool, dangerously dangling from the ceiling. I was always too timid to sing solo, too inhibited and insecure to run for class president, too hesitant to take charge and delegate tasks..... Oh, woe was me!!!!
So, what's changed now? Nothing much really, except that my beautiful 18 month old son reminds me everyday that I am unique and wonderful in every way (cheesy lyrics to a one-hit wonder?). I look at him, and I know that I don't have to be a champion or a hero. I don't have to be able to cook dinner and not have the kitchen look like the Naxalite insurgency in India. The notes don't have to be pitch perfect when I'm croak..sorry, crooning him to sleep. I don't have to look coiffed and immaculate like a starlet walking the red carpet. I can be me!! Isn't that the most remarkable feeling about being a mother? And no matter how trite this may sound, my baby loves me for me!!! Ah, life is perfect!!
......But then again, it's not always. I still struggle with my internal demons. Worrying about whether I've made the right choices, said the right things, thought the right thoughts...it's never-ending, is it? But I guess that's what life really is about. It's not about perfection and impeccability. It's about doing the best you can, and knowing that no matter what mistakes you make, you will still be a good mother, and you are loved.
So, here I am, laying out my inner most contemplations. Not because I want to claim exclusivity, but rather to reach out and be a part of that kindred of motherhood. To know that I am a small drop in an ocean of beautiful and compassionate women, who make a difference in this world in their own special way.